Carnival Cruiser T-Shirts

'The carnival has a company car.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

Mountain bikes and molehill bikes.

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"How long have you felt like a three-masted schooner?"

"Balance is essential, Ray. For example, this week, my life is purpost-driven, and I'll follow that with seven days of aimless drifting!"

Bargeman on a canal boat.

Fighting Gondoliers.

'I realize you love my boat, but you've been on it for nearly a month now. Do me a favor and go home.'

Pucker up!

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

'My wife insisted I stop and ask someone for directions. Could you just pretend you're giving them to me?'

Sports car.

Now Entering Wyoming (or one of those other rectangular states that are out west someplace).

Somewhere In France...The Watsons have just discovered that English is not the universal language after all.

Mount Rushmore waves back to tourists.

'It's very nice, but it's not really me. Do you have any of those little round, hollow, plastic balls?'

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

"We didn't know you had a rush hour."

Heart of America or Bypass

'It IS an interesting hat isn't it? I made it from the skin of the last dog that fouled my mooring ropes!'

"Amsterdam? Boy, am I lost!"

"Imagine yourself: driving up the coast, the top down, tears streaming down your face because your wife had no choice but to kick you out, this time for good."

Marriage Guidance / Travel Agent

'I didn't always want to be a gondolier. My first love was the Church.'

"Whoops! We have pot holes here, too."

Ignore him he's just showing off

Witch with a mobile home on her broomstick.

'Stop complaining. We can't afford a car with airbags.'

'What's your fish finder say?'