Leisure Cruiser T-Shirts

'I realize you love my boat, but you've been on it for nearly a month now. Do me a favor and go home.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

Mountain bikes and molehill bikes.

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

French Early Bird

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"How long have you felt like a three-masted schooner?"

"Balance is essential, Ray. For example, this week, my life is purpost-driven, and I'll follow that with seven days of aimless drifting!"

"I'm looking for a car with backseat performance."

"I'd rather be at the office."

Bargeman on a canal boat.

Fighting Gondoliers.

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

Playboy has rigged his car with a loveseat

'My wife insisted I stop and ask someone for directions. Could you just pretend you're giving them to me?'

Sports car.

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

Directions to the Bar.

Boat to the Horizon.

Now Entering Wyoming (or one of those other rectangular states that are out west someplace).

Mount Rushmore waves back to tourists.

Mildred takes a shortcut to the shops. . .

'It's very nice, but it's not really me. Do you have any of those little round, hollow, plastic balls?'

Employee Parking. The only way my boss practices "top-down" management is by driving a convertible.

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

"We didn't know you had a rush hour."

"I suggest we either move the chair further inland, or get a higher chair."

"Imagine yourself: driving up the coast, the top down, tears streaming down your face because your wife had no choice but to kick you out, this time for good."

'I didn't always want to be a gondolier. My first love was the Church.'

'It IS an interesting hat isn't it? I made it from the skin of the last dog that fouled my mooring ropes!'

"Whoops! We have pot holes here, too."

Ignore him he's just showing off

Marriage Guidance / Travel Agent

"Amsterdam? Boy, am I lost!"