Carnival Cruiser Gifts

'The carnival has a company car.'

Cimafunk

Mr. Punch in Venice

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

Mountain bikes and molehill bikes.

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"How long have you felt like a three-masted schooner?"

"Balance is essential, Ray. For example, this week, my life is purpost-driven, and I'll follow that with seven days of aimless drifting!"

Bargeman on a canal boat.

'I realize you love my boat, but you've been on it for nearly a month now. Do me a favor and go home.'

Fighting Gondoliers.

Pucker up!

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

'My wife insisted I stop and ask someone for directions. Could you just pretend you're giving them to me?'

Sports car.

Now Entering Wyoming (or one of those other rectangular states that are out west someplace).

Mount Rushmore waves back to tourists.

Somewhere In France...The Watsons have just discovered that English is not the universal language after all.

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

Employee Parking. The only way my boss practices "top-down" management is by driving a convertible.

'It's very nice, but it's not really me. Do you have any of those little round, hollow, plastic balls?'

"I suggest we either move the chair further inland, or get a higher chair."

"We didn't know you had a rush hour."

"Amsterdam? Boy, am I lost!"

"Imagine yourself: driving up the coast, the top down, tears streaming down your face because your wife had no choice but to kick you out, this time for good."

Heart of America or Bypass

Ignore him he's just showing off

"Whoops! We have pot holes here, too."

'I didn't always want to be a gondolier. My first love was the Church.'

Marriage Guidance / Travel Agent

'It IS an interesting hat isn't it? I made it from the skin of the last dog that fouled my mooring ropes!'

Witch with a mobile home on her broomstick.

'Stop complaining. We can't afford a car with airbags.'