Carefree Kid Pillows

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

"My summer vacation report contains descriptions of excessive sugar consumption, and unsupervised play. Listener discretion is advised."

'Now this how you handle the end of summer...'

'All the fourth grade guys took a blood oath not to learn anything during the summer.'

"This isn't the lived-in look. It's the wallowed-in look."

"Think of it as a big puddle."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Swinging

"Open wide please! So I can get my hand out!"

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'Hey Mister Petrie, what's the world's record for tennis balls in a retriever's mouth?'

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

'You have failed on all counts...'

'Wow! School's only been out for ten minutes, and I've already forgotten everything I learned.'

Running

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

"That's the deep end."

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

Whatever!

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

"Ain't worth the whiskey!"

"This is where I come to unwind."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

Weathervanes.

'Dude, I got the rest of the day off, so I'll be able to go riding after all!'

"You and your lists! You're missing out on life."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"They grow up so slow."

'Please stop...it reminds me too much of the markets.'

"I never think about cholesterol when I'm on vacation."