Playful Kid Pillows

'Please stop...it reminds me too much of the markets.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

Policeman breathalysing small child.

'I think they're offering peace feelers.'

'No, I can't be the horse, YOU have to be the horse!'

Football Fans

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'She's just great with the children.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Werewolves of London..."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"It's a mobile."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Circus Act

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

'Hey Mister Petrie, what's the world's record for tennis balls in a retriever's mouth?'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

Serious Putty

"Wheeeeeeee!"