Playful Kid Pillows

'Please stop...it reminds me too much of the markets.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

Policeman breathalysing small child.

'I think they're offering peace feelers.'

'No, I can't be the horse, YOU have to be the horse!'

Football Fans

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'She's just great with the children.'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Werewolves of London..."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"It's a mobile."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

Serious Putty

Circus Act

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

'Hey Mister Petrie, what's the world's record for tennis balls in a retriever's mouth?'

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'