Captain Of Excuses Pillows

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

Welsh airport arrivals.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Awwwk! Mutiny is a go! Pass it on! Awwk!"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

And overcoming their resistance by sheer skill.

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Verbal Orders

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"Sorry, Captain, but we have to let you go. You just lack leader-ship skills."

Help! Trapped on a desert island cartoon...

"This is their way of reminding us how we're losing our best hope for Olympic Gold."

'Well, we still think you're a naughty boy, running away to sea like that!'

"Wait...Did I Say 'North'?"

'So it's true that dolphins help navigate.'