Chief Excuse Officer Pillows

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'My dog ate my computer.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

Homework flavored dog food

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

Agreeable Noises

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

Lame Lines

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

"I have to cancel our plans. I feel a headache coming on."

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

'I leave it this way, because leaving it this way is a labor-saving device.'

At the CEO Store: 'Third Floor: Loopholes, Scapegoats, Acccounting Irregularities.'