Captain Giggles Gifts

They're floaties, sir. Because the sea can be a cruel mistress.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

A baby playing on a grand piano

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A mum trying to dry an excited child

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Sportknitting

At the baby oil factory.

"You've done it, Martin - you've taught him to smile!"

"While registering online, little Ahab had confused fencing and flensing,"

Hockey Goal

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

Stretcher Header.

'I guess I get a good deal. I give him the milk and he burps it over dad's shoulder.'

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

A pirate fishes using his hook.

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

Vote for Noah for Ship's Captain. I received a campaign contribution from every species except unicorn. Well, I guess that settles that!

A real turkey lunch.

"Lady!!! Could we turn down the A.C.?!"

'Why didn't he stop the ball?'

"He should've passed the puck."

'Now what?'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Small child in goal is propelled into the air with burst football

"Spinning, reefing, tacking...they sound like a dress making circle."

'Well one of us need to watch him, otherwise he's liable to take somebody's eye out!'

Goalie saves a boot instead of a football.