Ship Captain Jokes Gifts

Vote for Noah for Ship's Captain. I received a campaign contribution from every species except unicorn. Well, I guess that settles that!

Remote control pirate bully

Sailor in Car.

A massive ship pulls in in Central Park.

Captain steering house through flood.

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

Sea weed harvest.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Lighthouse Beam.

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

Lifesaver!

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'...the storm raged and the doctor got drunk to steady his nerves..'

"Cap'n FancyPants got himself an i-Patch."

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

Pirate dogs burying bones.

Tugboat tugging Iceberg

'May I speak to you alone, Cap'n?'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

On the plus side, I'd wager a lot of you folks back there had never seen an iceburg up close before.

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

Distractions.

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

"The moment he told me he lived in a lighthouse, I knew he was a keeper."

'I heard that the new captain was raised on a farm.'

'If we took the boat out, it might get dirty or scratched. Can't we sit here for the next several hours and talk about why you accused me of being paranoid?'

"According to the charts, it should be clear sailing after this."

'It says here that later in life they were able to patch things up and became best of friends.'

Suez Canal Curse

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'