Canvas Comedian Gifts

Trash-talkin' artists

'See the way his eyes follow you round the room? That's how you knows he's good at portraits.'

'Shelf portrait'

'There ain't no intellectual messages in my work... I'm just too short to fill the whole bloody canvas!'

Artistic License

"I've got to admit, this landscape painting is much easier than I thought."

You Are Here

(Camel paintings)

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Art Plagiarism

"It's called 'Sold'."

Couple painting each other - one turns to the other and says, 'Hon, let's hire a model.'

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Edith does ceramics strictly for her own amusement.

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

How Art Works.

Man sitting at desk below sign saying 'Apologies' and two trays labelled 'Reserved' and 'Unreserved'.

Files of Doom

The painting Painter

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

"It's too academic."

Monet At Open Mic Night

Looking at You Are Here Map "How do they know?"

Painter Sheltering Under His Canvas.

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

Artist Painting Modern Art.

'Apparently he only uses fugitive colours.'

THE GRAND TETONS EN BUSTIER

Ye Olde FIgure-Drawing Classe

'I didn't get a grant.'

'I love an empty canvas...especially yours...'