Cannery Owner Gifts

'Fishing is Ben's life.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Cut Price

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

'Do you have any catsup?'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Best Before 5th Pint.

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

Non-Power Breakfast

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Sale.

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

'I'll take it!'

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

National Coffee Day

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

Online Shopping.

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

Honesty in retail

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

'I think there's been some mistake...'

Coffee