Canine Variety Gifts

"I'm tripping over bernedoodles, labradoodles, goldendoodles, schnoodles and cockapoos, ...and you want me to somehow believe you're not sleeping around?"

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Foster failure

"Wow. . . what's that?!"

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

Collies Without Borders

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

Kultural K9's.

'Well, they're just great for running down gazelles and jackals!'

'Sorry Ben, I never noticed the baby-sitting clause in the stud contract.'

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

Over the years, Marvin began to look like his bull mastiff.

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

"She's a golden retriever...I've always had a thing for blondes!"

Dog Training. Most of the choices the dogs made for their book reports are logical. The labrador retriever chose "Catch-22." The terrier, who loves to dig, chose "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The basset hound is doing his on "The Howling." and the shar-pei picked "A Wrinkle in Time." But the dachshund's choice confuses me. Even with the ground-hugging physique, he selected "Wuthering Heights."

Headshot of perky dog.

'That's Milly for you...she buries her bones the minute she gets them.'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

Male dog taking a toilet break.

'He's half sheepdog and half rottweiler... first he rounds 'em up and then he eats 'em!'

"If you're looking to adopt a dog that's good with cats, may I suggest Ruffus."

Botox sharpei

"He was sold to me as a Weimaraner but I really think he's more of a Wisenheimer."

When Pugs dream.

English Goal Setter

Best in Heat.

'David discovered that the New & Improved Dog Food was more New & Improved than his New & Improved Canned Soup.'