Canine Sommelier Gifts

"It's his only trick, but I think you'd agree. . . it's a bloody good one!"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"We need to put in more bones."

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

"Wait. Let it breathe."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"We call this Casual/Retro dining. You get up and make your own PB&J back in the kitchen."

Dog Food Pyramid. Meat. Scraps.

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

"I told you shaken, not stirred."

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"Oh no, it's far too tart"

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

Grape vines think alike.

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

No caption. (Dog delivery man delivers a box labeled "Scraps" to dog customer.)

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"I need some assistance here."

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

"Not only do these new treats taste like table scraps, they're also good for you."

'Feeding dog food to dogs is NOT ethnic stereotyping!'