Canine Identity Gifts

'If dogs named themselves...'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

Balloon dog poos.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Man and dog on exercise bikes.

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Don't you worry about me. I always land on my feet."

"Do you guys want to go for a walk?"

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

Wonders of evolution: Same face, totally different meaning.

'You call yourself a zebra? Where'd you get those stripes, in a zoo?'

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

"I vow to never again bat around someone else's fuzzy mouse."

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.