Canine Command Wizard Gifts

Cruel Pet Tricks

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

'It's okay - he knows how to use the GPS.'

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

"Um, Larry? That’s not a quail."

The First Martian Dog.

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

'Get up or I'm sending in the cat.'

Dog with Anchor Lead

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

Dog training

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Top dogs IN and OUT trays

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

"He's our finest service animal."

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

Error 202: The cursor has left the screen.

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

(Overachieving Dog) (Just get me the paper and let Mr. Rather go!)

'My app just ate your widget.'

The Art of Bantering!

Dog walker / Cat walker.

'The speaker for tonight's ceremony will be our valedictorian. Speak, boy, speak.'

"Maybe it's just me, Stan, but I keep getting the nagging feeling that your company doesn't place a very high value on information technology."

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

"Poppy has left the dog kennel. I repeat Poppy has left the dog kennel...Yes, yes, we have a code brown!"