Canine Comedy Appreciator Gifts

'Oh, jeez! Look at that poor bastard! Ha, ha! Oh, man! Hee, hee, hee...'

'We walked past four trees this morning. He didn't have a leg to stand on.'

"To slow for a spay, rigor mortis has set in."

Canine Comedians

Buy a dog - the ideal pet for those too busy to mess up they homes themselves.

"He will only bite if he thinks you are afraid!"

"He's a cross breed, bred for intelligence."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

Lactose Intolerant

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

Fly Fishing

"I was almost that last year."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

Cat and mouse

No Soliciting

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Say hello to my little friend."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Conservation Area

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"Did you just do a rooster?"