Canine Comedic Connoisseur Gifts

'Of course you have fleas, what would be the point of scratching if we didn't all have fleas?'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

Obedience School Graduation

His Master's Thesis.

"I finally caught you... now what?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

Dogs life

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."