Canine Comedy Connoisseur Gifts

A little dash of lemon should do the trick!

'Don't keep going on about your cold paws - I've got my own problem!'

"Please feel free to regift it."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'He likes to power nap.'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Night of the Latkes

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Farm Humor.

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"I'm working from home today."

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The Snarky District