Canal Captain Gifts

'That's the guy - lives on a 'narrow boat!'

Captain in a storm

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Sailor in Car.

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Mr. Punch in Venice

Fishermen dread the spot where the lures hang heavy from the trees like Spanish moss.

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

Captain steering house through flood.

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

Man about dog parasailing: 'He's a water dog and a birder.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

Welsh airport arrivals.

'Not while I'm driving the boat, Marge, please,'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"The boys at Jack's Bait & Tackle will never believe this one!"

I drive, therefore I am.

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

'...the storm raged and the doctor got drunk to steady his nerves..'

Internet Cafe.

"Cap'n FancyPants got himself an i-Patch."

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"There's always a period of adjustment whenever you hire a new crew."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Pirate dogs burying bones.

Tugboat tugging Iceberg

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

'it's the last bite that worries me.'