Campus Nostalgia Pillows

Brett Beer: It's the best beer to ever make me ralph. And I've ralphed a lot.

Go team!

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

"...and smoking is forbidden behind the scooter shed"

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

Do Not Pass. Just like high school.

Naughty schoolboys fight behind teacher's back in old fashioned school.

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

Teacher to other about hot dog vendor: 'Since when have we allowed that dude in the building?'

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

"I think he sometimes regrets hiring a former first grade teacher as his secretary."

The Presidential Physical Fitness Test

'Take this to your boss. It works for me with my teacher.'

Bell ringer.

"Is it okay if I dissect this ham sandwich?"

The boss is sending me back to school.

'I guess my love for Miss Rogers is over...I passed third grade.'

Boys at Leisure

"I've been able to pay attention a lot more in class since the teacher separated us."

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

'I was only promoted to fourth grade ten minutes ago, and I've already wiped third grade out of my mind.'

'These are the happiest years of my life, eh? -- you obviously haven't met my algebra teacher!'

'I hate to quit school, Mrs. Wiggins, but I got a better offer.'

"You don't bring me apples anymore."

"This is a weird frat."

"I'm starting to think being class clown was a bad career move."

'I like my history teacher. He's kind of old and I think he lived through much of the history he's teaching.'

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

'You don't believe that stuff about classroom 213 being haunted, do you?'

"I heard smart girls like smart guys."

"You might fake an illness at home, but here, only a fever makes her a believer."