College Nostalgic Pillows

'You'll never forget your college experience, though grades indicate you've tried.'

Go team!

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

"Now, my brave little soldier, do you have everything...an apple for your teacher, your satchel, pencils and books - your existential misery??"

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

"...and smoking is forbidden behind the scooter shed"

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

Do Not Pass. Just like high school.

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

Naughty schoolboys fight behind teacher's back in old fashioned school.

Teacher to other about hot dog vendor: 'Since when have we allowed that dude in the building?'

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

Bell ringer.

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

"I've been able to pay attention a lot more in class since the teacher separated us."

Boys at Leisure

"Is it okay if I dissect this ham sandwich?"

'I guess my love for Miss Rogers is over...I passed third grade.'

The boss is sending me back to school.

'Trade you my Doggie Cola for tour Toilet Water Drink Box.'

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

"This is a weird frat."

"You've really blotted your copy book this time Higgins!"

"I'm old school. Pass me a handwritten note."

"How's your spring break going, Jerry?"

"You don't bring me apples anymore."

'I hate to quit school, Mrs. Wiggins, but I got a better offer.'

"I'm starting to think being class clown was a bad career move."

There's always one.

"I went to my college class reunion. Everyone else is unemployed."

'I like my history teacher. He's kind of old and I think he lived through much of the history he's teaching.'