Campfire Maestro T-Shirts

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

The Brothers Grime

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

Holiday Supplies

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"I understand the Everest climb used to be quite a chore."

"I said, 'Fetch Chardonnay,' not 'Riesling.'"

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

Campground Conductor

"This one's really scary. It's about what's happening to my 401k."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

Have food. Need toilet paper

Cannibal recipes.

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

Pizza Rescue.

"Appetizer is almost done."

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

"The stranger came bearing gifts of graham crackers and chocolate. No one suspected the murder weapon he hid behind his back until..."

"I'll make a deal with you! If you stop singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, I'll help you finish your requirements!"

Yodelling School: Your calls may be recorded for training purposes.

'It doesn't say anything....They're having a barbecue!'

Emergency box in woods contains supplies for a campfire.

Listen, I'll put chocolate chips in your flapjacks, too, but I ain't makin' smiley faces with 'em.

My Musical Influences

'You poached the rabbit in white wine, and poaching's a $250 dollar fine.'

"You boys might as well dig in - this could smolder for days."