Calorie Control Pillows

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

All Natural Nothing

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

Dieting Motivation.

'Diet considerations.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

"They should have quit after deep dish."

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."