Calmness Conjurer T-Shirts

"I'm not panicking. I'm using this moment to finish my yoga."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Fight or Flight

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

'I can remember when no one had even heard of t'ai chi.'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

All we have in life is this moment...

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

'Wait til you see what fishing does for your nerves, Alice.'

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Muzak's Top 10

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'So, your anger management class is working?'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'I feel wired. I want to feel wireless.'

Sea of Tranquillity

'Fred's a lot more relaxed since he began viewing life as just another spectator sport.'

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"We're usually pretty good at spotting job burn-out before it gets bad, but every now and then, someone slips under our radar!"

"No, there's nothing wrong at my job. That's what's got me worried."