Calling Pillows

"Hi. Steve Smith here. Just calling to say hello and touch base. Well, bye. Hi. Steve Smith here. Just calling to say hello and touch base. Well, bye. Hi..."

'This call may be monitored and added to our endless metadata for no apparent reason.'

You always call. Telemarketer's Mom.

'You don't me- I'm not on Twitter or Facebook but I would like to be your friend,'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Hey Joe!...Me? Oh,nothing much,just out walking the fish.And you?...'

'I'd love you to come round, Samantha - but I'm sipping my cocoa all ready for sleepy bo-bos.'

'Jenny can't come to the phone, she's naked. Only joking, mate. Wrong number.'

RAISED BY PHONES

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

'It's for you.'

"So we've got the cute Asian and they did the student that was the old out of shape ex military type?"

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

Hello, 911? … The pizza place isn't answering their phone!!

Bingo Addicts...

'You've got the part!'

False alarm; chair salesman

"I've been talking on this phone so much, I'm getting cauliflower ears."

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'IRS Help Hot Line. While you're on hold for the next 23 hours, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'

"I'll have to go, we've been talking for ages"

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

'Not now, Harry. I'm on hold.'