Call Screening Gifts

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

PSA Banter.

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Drama Llama

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

Cinema. Save me a seat, dear, behind you.

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

"So we've got the cute Asian and they did the student that was the old out of shape ex military type?"

'You've got the part!'

No calls, I'm resting on my laurels.

I'm away from my desk. Any message you leave won't be of any importance to me.

"Line one is on line two..."

F. Uh-oh

Mammogram

'This is the voice mailbox of Rip Van Winkle. You have forty seven thousand two hundred and six messages...'

"Another bloody cold caller asking if I want to lead the labour party!"

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

"Guess how I got even with the telecommunications industry today."

"I'm passing thru a school zone...let me call you back from a land vine."

"I selected option 2, for help with my billing question, but was switched to option 3, to get a hard time with my billing question."

"I told you never to call me at this number."

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

I'm sorry, but my do-not-call list includes telemarketers, political organizations, charities and men named Fusco.

'To speak to an actual person, press '5.' To speak to an actual wolverine, dream on.'

If it's for me, I'm not here

"Damn that call waiting!"

'Don't answer it - it's a cold caller.'

'It's that automated heavy breathing again.'