Call Handling Gifts

"Damn that call waiting!"

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'This call may be monitored and added to our endless metadata for no apparent reason.'

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

A man lies across the humps of a camel.

'There is someone on the phone for you.'

"Thanks for calling the celebration help desk. For assistance with high fives, press one now. For fist bumps, press two, for chest bumps, press three..."

Listen to a lot of phone pitches while I'm at work?

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

"Linda, when answering the phone it's 'Edward Case, Psychiatrist' not Ed Case..."

'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'

'We've been outsourced to an Indian cool centre.'

You always call. Telemarketer's Mom.

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Line one is on line two..."

'Those dang telemarketers have a knack for knowing exactly when we're sitting down for dinner don't they?'

'It's ridiculous we never have enough staff on a Sunday.'

'Juggling is great fun: You should try it...'

'You don't me- I'm not on Twitter or Facebook but I would like to be your friend,'

"This isn't a sales call? Aren't all calls, in the final analysis, sales calls?"

"We are currently experiencing high call volumes..."

Communications Department.

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

"Yes, you caught me at a bad time...I'm home!"

"We'll have to come back for that last one tomorrow buddy...it's an occupational health and safety issue!!"

"Flight insurance claims department."

'I can't get through!'

'Your call may be recorded and used for training purposes.'

'Just stick to the script, Ravi...'

'You can always talk to us in person or over the phone.'

'How long have you had these delusions about being important to a call centre?'

Please remain calm.

"Now I'm going to ask for your phone number. You'll say the first three digits, then I'll interrupt you as you're saying the next three digits, then we'll talk over each other, then neither of us will say anything for a few seconds, and then we'll talk over each other again."

'Hello, Learn Direct, how can I help? Hello, Learn Direct...'