Call Queue Critic Gifts

"No one is available to take your call at the present time."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

Payback Time

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Impatient queue of people. The signs read queue here,sigh heavily from here, and Tut Loudly from here.

'If you don't mind, my sales manager wanted me to call him the second you took the hook.'

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

Muscle Steroids.

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

Patience Tested While You Wait.

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

Congestion Eases Inexplicably

Walmart vs. Target.

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

Three people waiting in a queue.

"Trust me – This is some of the best rest you could ever get."

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."

'I think he's recognized us: I told you we should have left a tip last time...'