Call Connisseur Gifts

"You rang ?"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

'... Press 7 to admit defeat...'

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

'My Android only records important calls.'

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

"That's such a clever title: I love a good pun..."

"I can grant you any wish you desire except for making sure the ice cream machine always works at McDonald's."

'Hello front desk? There are a couple of little cooties on my pillow!'

At Astley's

Excess Baggage: For many of us, 'Roughing it' means staying at a hotel without room service.

"What do I have to do to get the bartender's attention? Set myself on fire?"

"Could someone please get a plaque made? A famous actor has just died in our theatre."

'I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week.'

'With or without private sandbox?'

'I don't remember writing that source code!'

You know how you can reach your character limit when you type something on Twitter? Well, that can also happen in life. It's happened to me. I've run out of character.

'How can you make so many mistakes when there's only 2 option...LEFT or RIGHT?'

"Have you thought about retirement - with me?"

"Hello, you’ve reached tack support."

"The only calls not dropped are to your tech support."

the food is nothing but the service

The Sequels

"Sometimes I worry about my work-life balance."

A shout of sergeants