Comedy Connaisseur Gifts

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Reading my Critics

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Bangers and Mash

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

The Snarky District