Call Collector Pillows

"Long distance from America..."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Nuts to you, too."

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

"Why so grim, handsome?"

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'Try his land line.'

'Do you come here often?'

The other digital divide.

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'You had me at hell.'

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

Bell invents the telephone.

"In the olden days, people used payphones. Beats me how they took selfies!"

"I've traveled billions of light-years and visited countless planets. Earth is the only place I can't get a signal."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'This is a prerecorded message. Thank you for rubbing me. Please state your name and your wish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.'

"Honey, are you hoarding lawyers again?"

'Yes, I'm really modern now. I use a cell phone and no longer need a phone booth.'

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

'Dang it! I can't find a voting app.'

'Hiya, spaceman.'

'Our new app sells for $100 and detects intelligence. If a customer buys one, they don't have any.'

"So how long have you had this ringing in your ears?"

Investments: New Investors Get Free Cell Phone With Ringtone 'We're in the Money'.

'I'm not keen on getting any more apps, but I just had to have this one - it takes my unusually neat handwriting and digitally converts it to sloppy doctor writing.'

'Man i'm getting FED UP with all this junk male!!'

"No, you didn't wake me. I always sound like this."

'Just because!'