Call Chaos Survivor Gifts

"We are currently experiencing high call volumes..."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Accountancy

"That's the seventh time Dad's waved at me."

'Don't worry... Buster's always digging-up something or other!'

'... and the kids are screaming and the house is a disaster, and my husband finally get gets home and says 'how was your day?'... so I bit his head off.'

'Well that seems conclusive, a soft fabric chefs hat is no protection against a 5L can of beans...'

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

It doesn't pay to own a cuckoo clock and a dog at the same time.

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Why anyone should look forward to a subway series is beyond me."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'Daddy, the toaster has stopped working again.'

"After two weeks winter holiday in the Alps with the wife and my four kids, it is wonderfully relaxing to come back to a stressful workday!"

Helicopter attacked by birds.

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

A hermit crab moves home

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

Frantically overworked telephone receptionist getting severly stressed

'This call may be monitored for training purposes, and you'll understand why when the tech can't answer your questions.'

Music. Rock. Pop. Classical. Latest CD Releases. No, thanks --- I get enough recorded music calling technical support lines.

"The 9.23 train is cancelled...new timetables will be arriving at 9.46, 10.15 and 11.07."

"I'm sure there's something I've forgotten!"

Zoom Call.

"If you want to talk to a real person, hang up and call your mother!"

'This call may be monitored in order to determine your breaking point.'