Call Center Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

Cold caller.

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Sir, Human Resources has clogged the organic waste bins with burned out workers again!"

"Waiter!"

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

"Is this what happens when management fails to deal with a passive aggressive member of staff..?"

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

iPhone Senior

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"The computer in the main office says you need to be fired but it didn't say why."

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"I'm sorry, but we have to let you go. Frankly, you're a public relations nightmare."

'A table near a waiter please.'