Call Center Comedy Pillows

'Yes sir, we still have Mr Edwards on hold from last thursday...'

"This call may be monitored for training purposes or just to keep our staff amused."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Cold caller.

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

iPhone Senior

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'I'm on the train.'

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'I won't be in to work today... I woke up with a bug.'

'For the wrong department: Press one. . . for a patronizing excuse: Press two. . .'

Policeman on phone to car in front: "Please pull over sir, you're moving your mobile phone illegally."