Call Center Comedian Pillows

'...For someone who really cares call your mother.'

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Please stay on the line, your call is very important to us... Yeah, right. Like you're going to believe that."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Cold caller.

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

'Can you do anything else?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"Waiter!"

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'A table near a waiter please.'

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

"You ordered tea sir? This is a luxury hotel so I've not only poured it for you and brought it to your room, but I'm now going to drink it for you."