Call Center Comedian Gifts

'...For someone who really cares call your mother.'

To speak with a small, furry mammal, Press "5".

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Please stay on the line, your call is very important to us... Yeah, right. Like you're going to believe that."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"Waiter!"

'Can you do anything else?'

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"I'll have my people call your people."

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'A table near a waiter please.'

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'