Call Centre Comedy Lover Gifts

'Thank you for calling the Corned Beef Marketing Board. Press 'hash' now.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"Ziegler, I'm transferring you out of the energy commission!"

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

'I solved the union problem. I made everyone management!'

"Don't even think about it."

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

'Here's a job that sounds just like mine, oh-oh, it is mine.'

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

"Go on in—he's expecting you."

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'

'Could I call you back, I'm right in the middle of interviews.'

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

'Due to company cutbacks, you won't be getting that raise. However, to earn extra money, I can hire you to wash my corporate jet.'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'Even the temp was promoted over me.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Does that mean you found a new job, Hirshenson?'

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'The empowerment training was a mistake. Everyone quit.'

'I hate to fire you, Osgood, but I don't want to get a reputation for fairness.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

Drac, I gotta have a better office if I'm gonna market your Tomato Juice.