Call Centre Comedy Lover Gifts

'Thank you for calling the Corned Beef Marketing Board. Press 'hash' now.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Ziegler, I'm transferring you out of the energy commission!"

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'I solved the union problem. I made everyone management!'

'Here's a job that sounds just like mine, oh-oh, it is mine.'

"Don't even think about it."

"Go on in—he's expecting you."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Cold caller.

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'

'Could I call you back, I'm right in the middle of interviews.'

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

'Does that mean you found a new job, Hirshenson?'

'Even the temp was promoted over me.'

'Due to company cutbacks, you won't be getting that raise. However, to earn extra money, I can hire you to wash my corporate jet.'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'The empowerment training was a mistake. Everyone quit.'

'I hate to fire you, Osgood, but I don't want to get a reputation for fairness.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

Drac, I gotta have a better office if I'm gonna market your Tomato Juice.

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"