Call Center Comic Gifts

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

"Why do companies put you on hold and then play that awful, garbled recorded music...?"

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

In and Out Trays

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"I started in the Lab and worked my way up."

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

"No, son, there's no severance package."

"Corporate Diversity would like you to get a sex change."

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

'We need to hire someone who knows how to develop consumer-product relationships. Do you know any drug pushers?'

'This came in from somewhere. Could you send it somewhere else?'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

"Words cannot describe my feelings for your work, so I've sent you a string of vicious emojis."

"Welcome to the team. Now put on your Groupthink Glasses!"

"In this company we don't just appreciate our workers. We celebrate them from their first until their last day, which as you might have noticed for you has come today."

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

'We won't exactly be firing you, Brubaker. However we are switching to an all-volunteer work force.'