Calendar Comedian Gifts

"Have you noticed, after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF?"

"Happy Halloween"

'Check my calender for tomorrow, Ms. Thompson.'

"Sorry, my calendar is full."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Halo Frisbee.

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

Icebergs talk about CNN appearance and looking thin on TV.

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"It's a leap year, so an extra week's added to the calendar."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Mum? are you sure thers's such thing as global warming, coz I'm bloody freezing."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'Who turned up the thermostat?'

'Anything good on tonight?'

'Thirty-two feet per second squared, eh? -- that should hold them for awhile!:

"No, not there! It'll block out all our light!"

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'

"It's like every year my fear gets a little worse."

'The mountains were too cold for me you see, so I thought: People lost in the desert could need my skills too...'

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'