Calendar Comedian Gifts

"Have you noticed, after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF?"

"Happy Halloween"

'Check my calender for tomorrow, Ms. Thompson.'

"Sorry, my calendar is full."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Halo Frisbee.

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

"Mum? are you sure thers's such thing as global warming, coz I'm bloody freezing."

"It's a leap year, so an extra week's added to the calendar."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'Who turned up the thermostat?'

'Anything good on tonight?'

'The mountains were too cold for me you see, so I thought: People lost in the desert could need my skills too...'

'Thirty-two feet per second squared, eh? -- that should hold them for awhile!:

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

"No, not there! It'll block out all our light!"

"Follow up appointment... the doctor will be retired by then."

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'

Happy Birthday!