Calculation Captain Gifts

'We'll have to make it more obscure, a couple of our clients understood it.'

"Sure, it seems glamorous, but nobody talks about the physical beating a number cruncher takes."

Math Dreams

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Where the hell's my pocket calculator?"

"Have you been working out?"

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist, George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

I love maths.

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'

The Math Institute √π*962.9 KM

'I told you you were missing a decimal point in you dynamite calculations.'

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"I see a flaw in your financial calculation."

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

'Well, arithmetic IS important. It let's you understand money so you can buy batteries for your calculator.'

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

'... Can Willis come out and calculate formulae?'

Maths Department with sum on door sign.

'You were right. I had a misplaced decimal point.'

"But it's helping me learn my math!"

I think I have a 45-45 chance of passing my math class.'

"Your calculations are right- it's our teabreak!"

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

Next years calendar.

"According to my calculations, you should float now...I think..."

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

"Our clients like their accountants to use their 'imagination', but most would still prefer their returns in a spreadsheet."