Cafeteria Loiterer Gifts

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

Truth section in library "I'm sorry sir, there's just no demand for it these days."

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

"The lines are a bit slow today...so here's something to help pass the time!"

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."

'Chocolate pudding to start...it'll deaden your appetite.'

Never declare a food fight on artichoke day!

'Charles knew Tad was about to snap. Quarterly profits were weak, the network was compromised and now, Tuesday's Brussel Sprout medley in the cafeteria lingered through Thursday.'

Bad For You: A Restaurant

"Your family is pretty messed up."

"I'm on a special diet; no school food."

No, pal, I don't know if the chicken is free-range.

'There's no mistake - the soup of the day is also Employee of the month!'

"This school is so good, I even learn stuff during lunch."

"Tia Carmen?! What are you doing here?"

I'm thinking of suing your caf