Cafe Enthusiologist T-Shirts

Couple break up in a cafe.

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

'You've had enough!'

Coffee Menu

'How would you like your toast?'

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

Meanwhile at the Cafe de la Mort...

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

Lunch

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

'A sandwich?'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

French Street.

'Dulcifying araneids didn't make them any more sapid.'

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'