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'What's with the drum set?'

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

National Coffee Day

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

'How would you like your toast?'

Coffee Menu

Coffee

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

Meanwhile at the Cafe de la Mort...

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

Lunch

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

Sorry, Rudy, no way can I raise your pay to $15 an hour. Why not? 'Cause that would destroy jobs. What would you do for a job once I moved the caf

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

Holy Ronald Reagan. Do you see who's come into the cafe? Reagan? No, it's Johnny Spinwell. The king of spin! Who? Consultant to politicians, stars, lawyers, corporate execs. No one finds the bright side like Johnny. Pea brain, you stepped on my toe. I got your circulation going to save your heart.

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

Alf's Cafe - Egg, Bacon and Tomato Plate, Catering Pack.

From now on, coffee is fifteen dollars an hour.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

'A sandwich?'