Cafe Gifts

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

Ordering Sanka was a mistake. When the waitress said, "Sanka?" to me, that's the reason I simply answered, "You're welcome."

I don't know what to order. So many choices. It can be a little intimidating. What's the difference between the pumpkin-ginseng latte and the ginseng-pumpkin latte? Oh, well

I knew Joe and I were in trouble when we couldn't even agree on a marriage counselor.

"Separate checks please."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Today's special... donuts.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Hats and Food

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Non-Power Breakfast

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Grandma's caf

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."