Cactus Humorist Pillows

"Puberty's not all it's cracked up to be. For one, you can't play with balloons..."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Scuba cow"

Hats and Food

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Cat job interviews.'

"They'd run out of nurses' uniforms..."

"I don't think we can keep our love a secret for much longer dear"

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'