Cable Fanatic Gifts

"The doctor says you can go home. We'll get cable."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

Dolphin friendly tuna

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

Medical Marijuana Dispensary / Medical Cheez Doodles Dispensary

No jay walking.

"Clearly I didn't think this through."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Child hooking into a television

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

Miami Mice

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Would you mind putting the barbecue out?

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"You have perhaps only. . . six hundred months to live!!!"

As Seen Watching TV

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

Reigning Cats and Dogs