Cable Fanatic Gifts

"The doctor says you can go home. We'll get cable."

Cut!

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Dolphin friendly tuna

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

Medical Marijuana Dispensary / Medical Cheez Doodles Dispensary

No jay walking.

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

"Clearly I didn't think this through."

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Would you mind putting the barbecue out?

This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet.""This is Giselle, our bichon frise, and Fred, our legacy pet."

Miami Mice

Child hooking into a television

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Larry King

"From downtown...the shark scores!"

"You have perhaps only. . . six hundred months to live!!!"

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

As Seen Watching TV

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

'How now, brown cow?'

Tuna Surprise $4.95. You have to admit - he's pretty surprising!