Cabernet Connoisseur Gifts

'I need a blouse to accessorize my glass of Cabernet.'

"This cabernet sauvignon will have you feeling more like yourself in no time."

'A Merlot? A Cab? If I had known there would be this many red wines, when I created the Earth, I would have made it smaller.'

'A cheeky red?'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Bacchus.

Bubbly

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Best Before 5th Pint.

"I find that hugely offensive!"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'Man...You age great!'

Law School teacher.

Mea Maxima Cuppa

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"You're never home."

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

Redhead

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"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

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'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

Yes. As a matter of fact he IS an indoor cat.

'Malty tasking.'