Cabernet Connoisseur Gifts

"This cabernet sauvignon will have you feeling more like yourself in no time."

'A Merlot? A Cab? If I had known there would be this many red wines, when I created the Earth, I would have made it smaller.'

'A cheeky red?'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Bacchus.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Bubbly

"I find that hugely offensive!"

Best Before 5th Pint.

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Man...You age great!'

"I make it myself!"

Mea Maxima Cuppa

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

"You're never home."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Redhead

The real reason why flamingos are pink

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

'Malty tasking.'

Leo McKern

Yes. As a matter of fact he IS an indoor cat.

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."