Cabaret Dreamer Gifts

"This next one goes out to everyone who wishes I were Bobby Short."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"One year closer to college!"

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

The Mouse King appears in the Nutcracker

"Me, as soon as I'm old enough, I'm out of here! I'll go and join my older brother: he's a beach bum in San Diego, California..."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

Canadian film production

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Do you ever feel like you were meant for something else?"

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."