Buying Antiques Gifts

"It's an antique stand. Do you use it for anything?" "Yes. Norman and I have sex on it every Thursday."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Southwark Fair.

Second hand furniture.

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Sundial Time

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Fossil record player.

You had me at vintage.

Antiques

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'It's an antique!'

The First Printed Bible

Riverboat 4 Square Hustlers

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.