Antiques Shopping Gifts

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Southwark Fair.

Second hand furniture.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

Sundial Time

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Fossil record player.

You had me at vintage.

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Antiques

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

The First Printed Bible

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

Clock and Watch Shop: Second-Hand Clocks and Minute-Hand Clocks.

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'My old Nehru suit! And in a pocket there's still a bottle of aftershave lotion from the glove box of my '55 Nash Rambler.'