Antiques Shopping Gifts

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Southwark Fair.

Second hand furniture.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

Sundial Time

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Fossil record player.

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

You had me at vintage.

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

Antiques

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

The First Printed Bible

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

'Who are you kidding? This is a wind-up isn't it!'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

'My old Nehru suit! And in a pocket there's still a bottle of aftershave lotion from the glove box of my '55 Nash Rambler.'

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!